Tales from the Crypts: Uninvited Holiday Guests

Has anyone ever shown up at your place for the holidays, unexpected and not really wanted? Did you graciously succumb to the holiday spirit and invite them in, along with whatever baggage (human or otherwise) they brought with them? Or did you do the Ebenezer thing and gruffly shoo them away from your doorstep? Perhaps in a moment of weakness you did invite them in, only to later suffer the pain of getting them to leave.


We had very welcome arrivals in our house this holiday season. Our twenty-something bright, attractive, smart, and witty daughter/stepdaughter not only graced us with her own presence, but she also brought our two family cats. Five months have passed since we were last together, so we were delighted to see all three of them arrive.


Little did we know that she also carried some very unwanted and definitely not invited guests. She as well was oblivious in the beginning to the ultimate pain that she would suffer in getting rid of these nefarious interlopers.

Mr. Strept O. Coccus and his paramour Ms. E-B Virus had found the perfectly susceptible holiday party hostess: a young, hard-working and dedicated graduate student who had severely challenged her immune system for weeks as she finished a demanding semester and got herself and two cats ready for trans-Pacific travel (including stressful interactions with the U.S. Army and the Government of Japan); followed by a 14 hour flight over as many time zones. As soon as golden girl settled into our home and recovered from her jet lag these clandestine culprits quietly invaded her tonsillar crypts and promptly set about reproducing at will. As they and each successive generation of offspring multiplied themselves, soon the young lady's entire oropharynx (tonsils, adenoids, arytenoids, and all the soft tissue in between) were jammed with raucously partying microorganisms.


Seldom herself the life of any party, this unwilling hostess found the pain of this microreverie nearly unbearable. Courageously she fought off the discomfort through Christmas Eve and midnight Mass, but by the next day the celebration had spread throughout her soft palate and into her cervical lymph nodes. With the pain came fever, chills, malaise, and generalized body aches. These germ guys can seriously party. She was left no choice but to take to bed for extended periods of time, forcing cancellation of a trip north and putting her return flight to the USA in some jeopardy.


Enter the hero! After three days of suffering it was time to call in the antimicrobial strike force, led by Sgt. Clin D. Mycin. This fearless fighter of micro-terrorists swiftly and efficiently went to work. First the force eradicated the younger germs just as they began to reproduce themselves, then Sgt. Mycin took on the older troublemakers. None would be spared. Total eradication! 


Within 48 hours, order was restored, swelling and inflammation were curtailed, and pain was alleviated. Her strength and energy returned. Happily restored to good health, our heroic young lady returned safely to the east coast of America, ready to dive headlong into yet another demanding semester to be followed by yet another trans-Pacific trip for her brother's high school graduation. Only next time there will be no cats to transport. And she will be better rested and more resistent. Really.